JackieBlue's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Relive Your Life]

My review for "KONY2012", word for word, is as follows:

"I wish Egoraptor could narrate my life."

As you'd imagine, I am royally freaking out because, well...now he very well fucking can! Terrific game. Just great. Eat it Drake. So much for #YOLO. Hah.

[Hungry Gamers]

"GUYS DON'T LIKE GIRLS WITH HAIRY LEGS"
...
That was mad lulzy. And it took me about, oh I dunno emmmmm...seven? Trillion game overs to get the idea...give or take a few billion. But nicely done. My leg has been successfully pulled.

In summation: lol

[Escape from Crystal Lake]

Mmmwhat day is it today?

I forget.

[Pokemon Tower Defense]

Holy moly.

I'm not even a big fan of tower defense games, but I love Pokemon. And to anyone who doesn't find this original? Idiot! Only the core, most basic concept is used to create the playing field. But being able to catch, train and trade your defenses? Mmmm never seen that before. I love it. I'm looking out the window for the first time since 1 pm...and it's dark outside. Woops. Dangerously addictive, but all-around awesome game. Fantastic job.

[Human Centipede: The Game]

Shoop da WOOOP!!!

After selecting "New Game", click Dr. Heiter's name (the word "Heiter" specifically) on the first line of the synopsis and it'll change to Dr. Laser. A sentence should appear at the bottom that reads "perma-laser enabled, high scores disabled", so if you wanna just kill the weird fuckers in copious amounts without it amounting to anything, you're welcome. Also, great game!

[Psychosomnium]

Guys...seriously.

If puzzle games aren't your thing, there's no reason to rate the submission poorly. I'm personally pretty amateur when it comes to games like this but it isn't all that hard to win if you're persistent.

Difficulty: Moderate. Very fair. A bit of effort and patience and you'll win the game without a doubt.

Controls: Mmm I'm hearing a lot about how it lags a little. I guess since it's really the only technical aspect to pick at, I somewhat agree with this. Somewhat...

Storyline: Interesting, if not a little ambiguous. But it left room for the gamer to use their imagination, and the game DOES take place in a dream. I'd like very much to see a sequel! The music fits the eerie atmosphere as well.

Overall...I like it a lot! Most of the reviews aren't at all well thought and are mainly based on users who get all rattled and fed up, clouding their judgment. A good game like this deserves a little patience.

5/5
9/10
Hurray.

[K-FED: Dancing with Fire]

HAH!

You've made it far too easy for me to imagine K-Fed as an ongoing Street Fighter character. Ryu has his Hadoken. Guile, his Sonic Boom. Dhalsim, his Yoga Flame. And K-Fed? Po...PO...ZOWW!!!
Just kidding, that would royally suck balls. Fantastic flash though!

[Tsunami Fighter]

Finally...

...A submission that isn't mocking/making light of the events currently transpiring overseas. The articles in the paper are positively heart-wrenching and it's a sickening thought that some people aren't treating the situation with a little more solemnity. Thank you so much for submitting this. Totally deserves the front page. Not to mention an entertaining and very well done flash! A perfect ten in all aspects.

[Jack the doom of zombie]

Um..

He kinda looks like a rip off of Guile from Street Fighter. Pretty good game...but what's with the flies and mountainous turds?

[Die Hipster]

Oh Hipster, when I think of thee...

A Baroque Aristocrat is less pretentious than my lone American Apparel athletic sock.The only thing that differs is my lack of financial wealth and regal title. Who needs that mainstream shit? And why should I have to explain why I wear this trucker hat, plaid shirt and these construction boots? Isn't the ironic statement painfully obvious? God I hate working at Starbucks. Once my independent film gets up and running I won't have to answer those passé sell-outs anymore. I am NOT a scene kid sans piercings. And whatever it is you're listening to, I liked them before they were famous. La la la Harmony Korine la la De Serres la la la la organic deodorant.

This is amazing, mainly because it entertains my deep and utter hatred for all hipster kind. I'm gonna head down to the nearest art store and go spit on one now.